“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13: 5,6
My family moved recently. If you have moved in the past decade, you know that moving is code for “hemorrhaging cash.” Deposits and repairs and one thing and then another. It is staggering. Of course, in this economy you don’t even have to move to experience the angst of financial struggle. It’s no wonder that couponing has become an extreme sport.
As God tends to do through these experiences, He has grown me into a clearer way of thinking. It seems we have a dialog about yielding my stubborn will to His peaceful way.
I create a budget and spending plan at the beginning of the month, a wise way to be a good steward of the blessings God gives us -- large or small -- I believe. Yet when I look at the very small amount left for gasoline or groceries, the worry bubbles up. And, I confess, I even look at line item #1 -- my giving back to the Lord -- and think how much I could do with it instead of giving it away. Oh, I feel so small to say that.
It is in those times that God speaks to me. I hear it in my head, but it was first on the printed page of His word:
“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” (Malachi 3:10)
Okay, God is slowly releasing my death-grip on my finances. The finances that I say out loud are His anyway, but my actions show are MINE, MINE, MINE because the bills are all in my name. Can I get an “Amen?”
God continues to speak to me through His word:
“Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.” (Proverbs 30:7-9)
Well... wait a minute. I liked it better when He was going to pour out blessing on me.
As I look back to my budget and show it to God that it simply won’t work and begin to dream up all of the ‘what ifs’ of the month that can go wrong, He reminds me again:
“Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
As I ponder the times that my anxiety is the lowest, I realize that it’s when I can see how it will all work out. When the plan is all mapped out on paper and everything is comfy that I am at peace. Then I realize -- that isn’t faith, that’s me being in control. Faith is taking a step when there is no place to land. Faith is trusting that as I am faithful in my finances, God will continue to provide for those things that crop up. And they always crop up. Faith is praising for what He has given, instead of worrying about what I don’t have.
It’s a learning process, walking on faith in my finances. And it’s a fine line to walk to keep from crossing over into irresponsibility. I would love nothing more than to take an entire paycheck into the nearest department store, outfit myself with the latest fall fashions, then proclaim on faith that for the rest of the month “The Lord will provide!” I don’t feel that is where the Lord is leading me in this journey.
But as I see the month stretch out and the dollars in my envelope-system dwindling, I am tempted to worry and fret over how it will possibly work. Yet I praise Him for the food in the pantry, the gas in the tank, and sometimes I’m even so bold as to praise Him for the wonder of not knowing how He will take care of it. And He always does.
Sarah Stirman
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