Personal Faith Stories

When I was 26 years old, I suffered a miscarriage.

I was 8 ½ weeks along, expecting my second child. We were so excited when we found out just a month before, and had already begun joyfully anticipating the baby’s arrival. When I had some complications, my doctor called me in for an ultrasound. The sonogram revealed that our baby, at just 2½ centimeters long, did not have a heartbeat.

I was covered with terrible sorrow. My faith told me that God was in control, but I still felt unbelievable sadness.  My husband and I knew a tiny hole (a 2½ centimeter hole) was opened that could never be filled.  I wasn’t sure how to respond.

I had always been impressed with Job’s reaction to the news none of us ever hopes to hear. Upon first being told that he had lost his property, his livelihood, and even his family, Job didn’t get angry; he didn’t feel sorry for himself; he didn’t lash out or bury his pain. He began to mourn and to worship God.

Here are his words:

"Naked I came from my mother's womb,
       and naked I will depart.
       The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
       may the name of the LORD be praised."

--Job 1:20

I think Job understood something that is easy to miss: he realized that God was the same God both before and after losing everything… that his circumstances, good or bad, didn’t change God’s nature.  What faith!  As I attempted to process all the things I was feeling, Job reminded me that God is always good. And He loves us even more than we loved our tiny child.

Because of this knowledge, I knew it was important for me not to carry my pain alone. I found two ways to cope. The first was to open my broken heart to God - I knew He didn’t fear to walk through grief with me. As I poured out my sorrow to Him, I found a rich place of comfort. My husband and I felt a great loss, but I know He felt it with us. I truly knew that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted” (Psalm 34:18).

I also decided that I would find the strength to share my grief with the people around me.  A lot of healing came from letting others help me. I found that when I had the courage to be vulnerable, I was not taking advantage of the community, but I was helping to create the community.

I walked through some very dark moments and days, feeling a deep sorrow that I would never hold my baby. But I was able to grieve as one who has hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).  I knew my child was welcomed into God’s arms. I had hope that I would have another child. I was filled with a new gratitude for the blessings all around me. And I was reminded that, in a sense, our children, our other loved ones, our jobs, our heath, and our possessions are never really ours - they are His. God has blessed us with them for a brief moment in time, and while we have them, we must use each of those blessings to honor God.

I still don’t understand why it happened. And I still feel very sad at times. But I know I can trust Him.

Bicky Tolar

Abilene, Texas

Personal Faith Stories

I grew up going to Sunday school and church and making the requisite 3 times a week appearance, learning Bible stories through flannel-graphs, listening to sermons and singing.  I was a leader in my youth group, preached my first sermon in the 7th grade, have been a fill-in preacher (having great compassion on the audience for what they endured) and have taught youth and adult Bible classes on a frequent basis since my mid-20’s.  From the outside looking in, I’m the church success story.  I had the wife and two children and a good job and everything looked Norman Rockwall’ish from the outside.  What people didn’t see was a man in turmoil, a person living multiple lives, a child of God’s who didn’t really know God and was afraid to get very close to God.  Then came the divorce.

Nothing in my life could have prepared me for the tragedy and pain of divorce.  Nothing could or can take away the pain of being separated from my children and only getting to see them based on a state-mandated schedule.  Nothing could or has brought me so low, so close to a breaking point I didn’t know existed.  Looking at it now, I don’t know that anything would have ever brought me as close to God either.  

In a time where I was afraid my church and my friends might distance themselves from me, I found the unconditional love of God surrounding me.  Elders who laid hands on me and prayed over me.  Friends who took the time to check on me regularly and not just have pity on me but ask me the status of my heart towards God.  I have been able to see the father who rushed to his returning son, through his arms around him then had a party for him through my church family and close friends.  

I often hear the question of why God let’s bad things happen to good people.  Why, oh why, do we so often forget that Satan is alive and well and working feverishly to separate us from the love of God?  For me, if God didn’t let something traumatic happen to me, a person who was pretty good, I would still be on the fringe with God, still acting like Adam and Eve thinking I could hide my shame and sin from God.  Instead, my love for God has grown immensely and my faith has been stretched far past what I ever thought possible.  

I have lived the past few years in the latter half of Romans 8 as a constant companion.  

18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that  the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

 22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who  have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

 31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;

   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  [all emphasis mine]

God knows suffering.  We humans often forget that as we go through our hard times and wonder why God lets it happen that he gave his son’s life for me.  God knows suffering and he not only lets bad things happen to good people, he allowed the worst thing to happen to the Almighty himself.  As I look at my suffering, it’s the worst thing I can imagine.  But I know God is with me and God understands me and, that God will keep holding on to me.  He will walk with me as long as I’m willing, will open my eyes, my heart and my mind to his good and perfect will.  

The worst thing I could have ever imagined has led me closer to God and continued to keep a fire burning to know God better each day.

Grace and peace to you.

Jeff Jones

Decatur, Texas

Personal Stories of Faith

"Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as He had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what He had promised."  Genesis 21:1

Sighing from the tips of my toes, I leaned my head on the seatback of the car. We were on our way out of town. If ever my family needed to leave town – and the mess and mayhem – it was now.

Less than a year ago, we were so thrilled for my husband to get a job at the university where we met. We couldn’t wait to get our children moved to our new town and start the life that the Lord had for us here. Little did we know that the Lord had us on a path of learning to trust that was hard to walk.

Six months after we moved in, 8 inches of muddy water flooded our home. I tried to ‘keep my chin up’ as my home went into demolition phase.  My belongings that weren’t destroyed by the flood were crammed willy-nilly into various and sundry places.  We moved into an apartment complex across town full of college students thoroughly enjoying summer vacation. 

Granted, we were thankful to have the apartment. There were none to be had in town since so many people were in the same situation. We were able to live in the apartment rent-free for a few weeks to hold it for a college student. She wouldn’t need the apartment for six weeks. Surely we could be back in our house by then, right?

Part of my husband’s job required travel, so many days it was just the three of us. I talked to the Lord often, and prayed to radiate Him through the loneliness and annoying circumstances. Besides annoying, floods can take as much toll on finances as a move. We were heading for financial crisis. I prayed to trust.

Now, we were getting out of town for a previously planned vacation to visit friends. But when we returned from our trip, we would have 4 days to find a place to live and get moved.

I have learned there is a very, very fine line between walking in faith and walking in denial. I was leaning WAY over on the denial side.

The kids were settled with books and music. I was happy for a moment to think of anything other than reality. My 6-year-old, however, found it the perfect opportunity to think of exactly that – and worry.

We had just passed the first red light out of the apartment complex when she spoke up, “We really need to find a place to live.” Oh, boy. I didn’t want to think about it, and I sure didn’t want to talk about, so I dreamed up an answer and tossed it back without opening my eyes, “Yes, we do, and God’s going to take care of it.”

I would love to tell you I believed that.

Brushing that statement away like an annoying mosquito, she continued, "Okay, but we really need a place to live!!"

Now I was exasperated and responded more sharply than necessary, "Did you hear me? Don't you think God will take care of it?"

She couldn't see how God could possibly relate to her immediate and pressing need of a place to live. "Well, no! It's our problem, not His!"

Trying to calm down, I realized how recently in my own faith I thought the same thing. I started again, calmly, to remind her (and myself), "We're God's children. In the same way that your problems are my problems, our problems are His problems. God is going to look out for us." I wish I could tell you that we immediately pulled the car over to pray and petition God, or that moment a truck drove by that said "follow me to your new place to live." I wish I could even tell you that immediately she got it and was at peace. The truth was she muttered, "Okay" with the tone of "whatever", but I needed to hear my own words: "I am God's child. My problems are His problems. He will take care of my smallest needs."

The conversation dropped. The kids turned to their books and other car toys while my husband and I chatted about anything but the wreck that was our (lack of) living arrangement.

Twenty minutes later we were driving through Small Town, America (pop. 2831) when my husband's cell phone rang. It was one of the elders from our church telling us that a woman at our church was offering her parent's house for anyone who had been flooded and needed a place to live.

To this day, I don't know who that moment had a bigger impact on, me or my daughter. But I am so thankful that in the moment that her young faith needed something concrete and my not-so-young faith needed peace of heart, our loving Father gave us both.

Sarah Stirman

McKinney, Texas

www.sarahstirman.com

http://twitter.com/SarahSt

Personal Stories of Faith

Be Strong and Courageous, I Am With You

Spiritual giants in our human and church family laid the foundation for walking amid trials, through Bible lessons and living as examples of faith in motion. 

How soon our young family would be faced with a choice to implement the faith we had been witnessing.  We became grateful to the Father for these faithful mentors, teaching and preparing us for the valley soon to be entered.   

Awakened by the phone on a cold January morning, Ronnie was needed to trouble shoot a problem.  

Another call woke me shortly, I listened to Ronnie’s coworker.  A serious accident had occurred, he would be at the ER soon.  My mind raced in a million directions, the boys, almost 7 and 4, were sound asleep.  A dear brother of the church came to our house, I left to meet Ronnie at the hospital.

First responders, his friends from the volunteer fire dept. said there had been an explosion.  Ronnie had received burns.  The look on their faces spoke what their words did not and it shattered my heart.  My eyes beheld him as they wheeled him in.  His mustache, beard and  eyebrows were melted to his face.  The whiff of burnt flesh gripped me.  His outer layer of clothing appeared as charcoal.   My heart broke as I imagined his pain.  Accruing all my strength-I calmly smiled at him, hoping to mask the turmoil within.
“Dear God, help me be strong for him, for the boys”.  Surrounded with people who cared, I was also alone in my thoughts with the LORD. 

Cold, wet weather would not permit him to be airlifted to Lubbock.  Our dear brother helped the boys in the car and insisted on driving us, behind the ambulance. Chilly rain fell as we began the 3 hour trek to University Medical Center. Chills of fear also rained down on me as the boys slept and Lester drove.   

In those moments, separated from my injured husband, prayer was my lifeline; it was my link to the Father and His strength I so desperately needed.
Asking and trusting God to:

…sustain life and provide healing for Ronnie,  

…comfort and guide us through recovery,

…hold and fortify me as a wife,  

…reassure and strengthen our 2 young sons.  

Whatever the future held, I needed the LORD God as never before.

God is good and gracious and compassionate.  He poured calmness into my soul as I began to lean on and trust Him more and more.  His peace and faithfulness developed vital strength that night and the days to follow.

Ronnie’s injuries were assessed, the doctors met with me.  They would stabilize him and then schedule skin grafts.  The surgeries would commence as soon as he was physically able to undergo them.  Praying alone, I was not.  Pleas for Ronnie’s healing and thanksgiving for his life reached far and wide.  

Amazed, the doctors could not explain what happened to his skin.  Ronnie’s 3rd degree burns no longer needed skin grafts.  They were baffled those first 12 hours of his admission.  It was my delight to share with them, I had no doubt what happened, God touched Ronnie with His healing hand, sparing him the ordeal of grafting.

God granted a couple of miracles for Ronnie that first 24 hours. He survived an explosion that impaled a metal door through his pickup windshield. Just to be alive after the gas explosion was a tremendous gift. 

Blessing upon blessing appeared as we evaluated:

no broken bones,

no internal injuries,

no skin grafts required,

the 20%  burns-(held to a minimum due to layered clothing in the cold weather),

a family of believers rallied around us-supporting us through prayer and presence during the hospital days and beyond.

God is good and He is faithful.  He had a plan for Ronnie, life and work left for him to complete before crossing the Jordan.  

That was 17 years ago.  Today, God continues to reveal His power to bless.  Just this spring, a dear friend survived a tragic accident, being severely burned over 75% of his body. Having shared the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of their accidents, these two share an incredible bond.  Ronnie has a keen awareness of the road ahead of Nick.  He is able to encourage and inspire him to look to the future with hope and count the blessings of the present.

Safety became paramount to Ronnie after his accident.  Today, he works as a safety specialist in the oil industry, working to protect other men and women from tragic and preventable accidents.

God also blessed us with a beautiful daughter 47 months after the accident.
“11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

 1 But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, O Jacob,
   he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior (Isaiah 43:1-3a).

Holy, Compassionate Father,
Your love overwhelms us.  Teach us to walk by faith and not by sight.
Remind us, You are beside us in the joy of the mountaintop and in the sorrow of the valley.  Thank You, for Your peace that surpasses all understanding, that guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, Your Son and our Savior.  One day, we will see Your face, until then grow our faith, may the mountains be moved that hinder Your kingdom work.
In the name of our Lamb, Jesus.

Mischelle Oliver
Stephenville, Tx