Dads with Soft Hearts

 Tomorrow is Father’s Day.  We typically think about Father’s Day as a day to do something special for dad.  It’s a good tradition.

I was jogging a couple of days ago and got to thinking about Father’s Day and found myself walking down memory lane.  (I’m glad I was running alone!)  Memories came tumbling into my mind and heart like a river out of its banks.  In a word, it was overwhelming. 

As I continued around the park in my partial “out-of-body-experience” my mind darted back and forth between my life and Job’s life.  I would like to think I have enough faith to get through what Job experienced.  But, honestly, I think about the story of Job and I cringe.  It’s not the theology in the book or God’s sovereignty or any of the other big ticket items that travel across the terrain of the Old Testament story that unsettle me.  I cringe at the thought of life…without my wife and children.    

I thought about Father’s Day and honestly, I couldn’t think about it as “our day”, dads.  I was overwhelmed with the thought of how much God has blessed me to be surrounded by a terrific woman and four fantastic kids.  All I could say as I traveled down “memory lane” was “Thank you, Father, for allowing me to be one.  Thank you for putting these people into my life.” 

There have been a lot of great moments.  That said, there have been some moments I would take back and ask for a “do-over”.  Mercy and understanding restored my heart when I needed it most!  As I continued on my run, God’s word came to me from the Gospel of Luke.  It was one of those “sit up and pay attention” moments.  When the angel Gabriel announced that Elizabeth would give birth to a little boy named John who would be the forerunner for the Christ, he gave an interesting description of his life and ministry.  Tucked away in Gabriel’s words are these words:  “And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God, and he will go before him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children…”  (Luke 1:16-17).  The Message version says, “…he will soften the hearts of parents to children.”  You wouldn’t think a dad’s heart would need softening where his kids are concerned.  But, Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, told the truth then and now.

As a father and former child I know firsthand what it was like to live in a child's world.  Life looked very different through ten year old eyes than it does through the pair I’ve got now.  Life was simple.  I had very few worries beyond the school house and the city limit sign.  That all changed with the emergence of adulthood.  The world got bigger.  Responsibility jumped out of the dictionary and came to life.  Dad, can you relate to this?  Life has a way of pressing us and squeezing a lot of good things out of us with the result that we get too focused.  What dad hasn’t felt edgy and overwhelmed on occasion?  Life becomes a very crowded experience.  Stuff comes at us relentlessly.  And, we can FEEL it.  I can still hear Gabriel’s words.  Can you?      

Paul said, “Husbands, go all out in love for your wives.  Don't take advantage of them....Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits.” (Colossians 3:19, 21 – The Message)  I’ve read Paul’s words in Colossians many times.  Bet you have, too.  Living them is not really about understanding the teaching of the text.  The text is…well…simple.  As dads, it is about how we manage all the life experiences, pressures, stressors and trials that envelop and challenge the awareness and commitment this text teaches.  Being the kind of husband our wives need and the kind of dad our children need is about managing our own hearts first.  Focus is essential to good leadership. 

God put us at the helm.  We pilot the ship.  It is our calling.  It is our blessing.  And, it is the greatest joy we can experience in this life.  So, how’s your soft side, dad? 

June 19 is designated as Father’s Day.  Our families may fuss over us a little.  But, I want to extend a hearty invitation to all the dads out there.  Launch out into some uncharted waters tomorrow.  Embrace Gabriel’s words.  Share your heart with your family.  Tell’em what they mean to you.  Somewhere in that experience there will be a move of God.     

Father, you have given us everything we need to be the kind of father’s we need to be.  May we look to you for guidance every day.  Quiet our spirits and soothe our hearts as we lead our families in this sojourn called life. May be never lose the softness that is essential to being the kind of men, husbands, fathers and leaders you need us to be….they need us to be.  Thank you for giving us the incredible privilege and blessing of family.  Amen

Randy Daugherty

Stephenville, Texas

Written in the Stars?

I am a college student. My sophomore year, I got in a huge argument with one of my professors. We were talking about the discussion of Universalism in a book by theologian Marcus J. Borg, called The Heart of Christianity. It is a common belief amongst Christians (especially younger Christians) today that hell is not a reality. Their reasoning is based on one aspect of the nature of God. He is a God of love, compassion, grace, and mercy. How could this God send people to a place of eternal suffering?

Well, based on that assessment, I had a question. I raised my hand and said, “Well, if we’re all going to heaven, then what’s the point of being a Christian?” My professor got really angry. “Because your motivation for ‘being good’ shouldn’t simply be based on your carnal fear of damnation! You shouldn’t be pushed into beliefs because you’re afraid of the consequences of not pursuing those beliefs!” I was a little confused, because that wasn’t really what I was asking.

“Sir,” I said, “I have several friends who claim agnosticism, or even atheism, but they are some of the most dedicated people I have ever met. They live clean and pure lifestyles. They spend their time serving the less fortunate, giving their time and money to the poor, hungry, sick, uneducated, abused, and unloved. Their lives are dedicated to selflessness. It is fascinating to me how they emulate Jesus Christ, but they do not claim Him as their Savior, nor do they acknowledge Him as sovereign. They live the way Christians do, but the one thing that is missing is a belief in a spiritual reality. That’s why I’m asking. If we’re all going to heaven and they’re being good without professing faith, then what’s the big deal? Because it seems to me one can be ‘good’ without being a Christian.”

We stared at each other for a while before moving onto other topics. Some members of the class were ready to discuss hypothetical situations, like one in which Mother Theresa and Gandhi went to hell because they weren’t “Christians.” I wasn’t worried about debating whether Mother Theresa and Gandhi went to heaven. Honestly, it’s none of my business and it’s also not my call, so why should I dwell on it?

After class I told him that that was my issue. “Why do we waste so much time discussing whether so-and-so will go to heaven because they switched from the Church of Christ to the Baptist church when they got married, or worrying about whether a dead man who dedicated his life to loving people will be punished for not claiming Jesus Christ as his Lord?

He sighed and said, “I think it’s easier for Christians to argue about the fate of others than to proclaim why they believe their fate is secure.”

And it’s so true. The only thing we really can control is being sound in our beliefs, knowing why we believe what we believe, and imparting that to other people. It’s the mission Jesus gave us when He left this earth, and we lose sight of it so easily.

We were given a calling, and that’s what we should be using to determine how we speak, act, and live on a daily basis. If we believe that the story of Jesus Christ is absolute Truth, then this shouldn’t be a confusing topic for us.

I hear Christians from my generation say so often that evangelizing on the streets is “too hard”--the people aren’t open, the people won’t listen, they don’t know what to say, they don’t know how to say it, etc. I don’t think any of those things are the problem. I think the problem is that, first, we aren’t entirely sure what we believe, and, second, we don’t like the way it sounds rolling off the tongue.

It isn’t that often that people walk up to us and say, “What do you believe? Why do you believe that?” In these rare situations, we often find it easier to point out all the reasons why they are wrong, but wouldn’t we be more convincing if we could authentically impart why what we belief gives the greatest eternal blessings? I want to be able to answer that question boldly, passionately, and with assurance. You can classify this article as that very question--what do you believe and why? I hope it’s one that you can answer.

“Then Jesus came near and said to them, “All authority has been given to me in heaven and on earth. Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

--Matthew 28:18-20

God,

At the end of the day, we don’t know where Mother Theresa and Gandhi will end up, but we do know what you have called us to and what you have promised us. As we become secure in that knowledge, may our lives more intentionally portray it. It is my prayer that our motivation for living the way that we live and loving the way that we love may come from our unwavering belief in the story of Christ. Thank you for all that it promises and gives. We love you.

Amen.

Erin Daugherty, Abilene Christian University

The Gospel That Encompasses Everyone

Have you ever felt excluded?  When I was about 12, one of my uncles told me, ‘If you ever do anything like that again, you will never be welcome at my house again.’  I had been playing baseball in their back yard with my younger cousin.  When he slid into home base and I tagged him out, he had started crying.  I thought he was crying because I called him out at home.  My uncle thought I was ignoring an injury that he suffered.  The sternness and intensity of my uncle was devastating to me.  The thought of being ‘excommunicated’ from my little cousin’s home was heart breaking for a 12 year old.

Galatians was written by Paul to clarify the impact of the gospel.  Because some were perverting the gospel by requiring circumcision and the keeping of the law of Moses, Gentiles were in danger of being excluded from the kingdom of God.  Paul will not allow this to happen.  In Galatians 2, he uses two examples to make his point.  On one occasion  in Jerusalem, there were those who wanted Titus to be circumcised.  Paul would not ‘give in to these false brothers for a moment’.  Paul knew that this requirement for Titus was a perversion of the gospel.

On another occasion in Antioch, Peter separated himself from some of his Gentile brothers.  He refused to eat with them because he was afraid of ‘losing face’ with a circumcision group from Judea.  Paul rebuked Peter face to face for his hypocrisy.  By Peter’s actions, he was ‘excluding’ these Gentile brothers from fellowship.

The message of Galatians is that ‘the gospel encompasses everyone.’  Peter knew this.  At the home of Cornelius, Peter said , “You are well aware that it is against our law for a Jew to associate with a Gentile or visit him. But God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean.  I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts men from every nation who fear him and do what is right.”

We preach a gospel that encompasses everyone.  In your personal life and in our churches, how barrier-free are we?  Do we erect barriers to the kingdom of God or do we eliminate barriers?  The gospel is intended to be a message of inclusiveness, not exclusiveness.  How well is this message being lived by you today?

Prayer:  Lord, help me to understand the message of the gospel.  Help me to welcome into your kingdom Jews and Gentiles, slaves and free, male and female.  Help me recognize as my brothers and sisters anyone who accepts your Son Jesus as Lord of their lives.

Terry Brown

Abilene, Texas

While I Was Busy

Ahab was the king. Not a very good one, but he was the king. With the job came responsibilities. He went to do battle with the pagan Benhadad. Benhadad was his enemy and God’s enemy. When God delivered Benhadad into his hands, he knew what he should do. But Benhadad offered to make a deal. It would mean a lot of money for Ahab. He would receive whle cities as a gift and exclusive franchise in the malls of Damascus. So he let Benhadad go.

         

A prophet from God came to confront him. He knew Ahab wasn’t much for sermons so he sorta’ crept up on him. First he disguised himself, complete with a real bleeding wound. He called to the king and told him a story. It seemed in the midst of the battle he was put in charge of a prisoner. His duty was explained. He knew what he had to do, but he got distracted and the prisoner escaped.

        

His very words were, (I Kings 20:40) “And as your servant was busy here and there, he was gone.” The answer was clear to the King. This fellow had not done his duty. There was no excuse. He was guilty. The prophet pulled off his disguise and turned the tables on the King. The story was really about Ahab. Some lessons just sneak up on you. Ahab was guilty. But before we are too hard on Ahab, what about us? What’s happened while we weren’t looking? While we were busy here and there, the cults have come; our nation has become pagan; our children have grown up; our marriages have grown cold. It’s time we paid attention.  

         

Dear God, You know everything and deserve all praise. Since you know everything, you know all about me. You know how distracted I get. You know what I leave undone. You know how short I fall. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Dear Lord, help me stay on task. Help me keep your word. Help me pay attention. In the name of Jesus, who never got side-tracked, Amen.

Paul Shero

San Angelo, Texas

In the Trenches: The Bittersweet Task of Care-Giving

Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be str

ong, do not fear...”  (Isaiah 35:3-4a).

Some situations defy description and can only be understood through experience.  Veterans share very little about war partly because their memories are painful, and partly because words can’t describe them.  Only another warrior – someone who’s been in the trenches – can really understand.  So it is with care-giving.

I’m a veteran caregiver.  My mother-in-law and both of my parents had Alzheimer’s dementia. Helping them live and die with dignity was a bittersweet task.  I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it.

Words can’t describe the endless emotional rollercoaster of fear, anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, love, concern, helplessness, nor the ferocity of protectiveness.  Months and years of nervous energy dissolve into bone-weary fatigue as needs multiply and responsibilities overwhelm.  Life can become too complicated to bear.

I intended this article as an encouragement for caregivers; anyone caring for an aging spouse, invalid parents or children with disabilities.  Then I remembered that caregivers don’t have time to read articles of encouragement.  Support groups are also helpful, but many caregivers barely find time to eat or sleep.

The biggest mistake caregivers make is failing to take care of themselves.  They often die first, and that’s a fact.

If you’ve never been a caregiver, chances are good that you will be someday.  When you’re in the trenches, you’ll need resources.  These are favorites from my library:  

The 36-Hour Day 4th Edition by Nancy L. Mace, MA and Peter V. Rabins, MD;

And three by Terry Hargrave, Ph.D.

Boomers on the Edge

Loving Your Parents When They Can No Longer Love You

Strength and Courage for Caregivers  

Heavenly Father, those of us who are or have been caregivers know we’re not up to this task. We thank you for staying in the trenches with us.  Give us Your Strength so we can meet the needs of our loved one to your glory.  Through your son, Jesus, amen.   

Sandra Milholland

Abilene, Texas