On the Tip of My Tongue

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Proverbs 18:21)

The Past two weeks have once again confirmed several things for me.  I grew up in a good home. My parents were kind and encouraging people. Speech was filtered by Word, spirit and grace. And….people have “survived” in family contexts that were very different from mine.  Sounds simple…right?  

More to the point, the past two weeks have once again brought me face-to-face with the enormous difference between constructive and destructive speech.  I listened to a handful of stories of how God used words through a human vessel to bring perspective and healing to a situation.  But, I also listened to the heart wrenching pain of adults who recounted their experiences as children.  Speech was a destructive experience for them.  They lived with anger as a weekly constant.  They considered themselves intrusions.  It was customary to be “shouted down.”  Name calling was just what adults…did.  But it did some other things, too.  It created a self-image that was gnarled and distorted.  Self-esteem was an ill-defined idea that had no practical meaning.  

Nathaniel Hawthorne said it so well:

“Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.”

Most anyone can finish this adage: “Stick and stones may break my bones….”

But do you know who coined that statement?  Actually, the statement in it’s purest form has been altered.  “Sticks and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is an edited version of a line from Ruby Redfort’s poem entitled “Sticks and Stones.”  

   Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can also hurt me.
   Stones and sticks break only skin, while words are ghosts that haunt me.
   Slant and curved the word-swords fall, it pierces and sticks inside me.
   Bats and bricks may ache through bones, but words can mortify me.
   Pain from words has left its' scar, on mind and hear that's tender.
   Cuts and bruises have not healed, it's words that I remember. 

Ruby is right.  And, Proverbs 18:21 is right, too.  Words do more than “communicate.”  They “imprint” ideas, emotion, perspective and identity on persons.  And, just to be clear….it isn’t a childhood thing only.  Plenty of adults live on the receiving end of destructive language!

Ephesians 4:29 is a great verse.   

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

How can we give “grace” in every situation?  That’s the question. In fact, that's the baseline we should work off of every day.  Stress, anxiety, and pressure crowds us and says “look for a punchy bag and make sure it's human!"  Grace says, “Remember what you have received and speak out of it in every situation. You have the power of life and death…in your mouth…every day.”

O Father, bring the sanctifying presence of your Spirit into our mouths so that we can bring words of grace, healing, wisdom and blessing into the lives of every person we meet.”  Amen.

Randy Daugherty

Stephenville, Texas