The Butterfly

My mother would pass out if she knew I was writing my Word for Today about her. I guess I’m just postponing the inevitable, since she’ll pass out when she finds it already posted online. Sorry, Mom. You’re worth writing about.

The day after Christmas always feels a bit bleak. It shouldn’t, because Jesus is here! I guess the incarnation tends to get packed up with all the ornaments, strings of lights, and stockings and left in the attic until we are obligated to pull it out and bask in its seasonal glow again next year. I fought against that bleak feeling the day after Christmas, with everyone else. Then my mom played the piano.

I was sitting on the floor, concentrating heavily on the decision between revising a paper for fun or watching yet another Hitchcock film, when I noticed a quiet rustling across the room at the piano. My mom was sneakily riffling through sheet music. I was confident she was hoping no one would notice, so I discarded my previous dilemma and settled back against the wall, eager for what came next.

I watched as she discovered the piece she’d been searching for, smiling fondly at the cover page. “The Butterfly,” it said. She sat down on the piano bench and began to play. I watched her fingers fly over the keys, positioning perfectly, traveling gracefully, producing tender melodies.

I can count on two hands the number of times I’ve heard my mother play the piano in my life. She took piano lessons for ten years. I was in awe watching her play, and not because she is the best piano player I’ve ever seen. I was in awe because my mom is a human being.

You may not realize this, but moms have talents and gifts. Moms do things for pleasure. Moms have feelings and get tired and need a break. Moms are “selves,” outside of being “moms.” Moms are, first and foremost, disciples of Jesus Christ. In watching my mom play the piano, I realized how often we dehumanize our parents. My mom and dad are worth more than giving up selfhood to be parents. The sacrifices that parents make in order to begood to their children are incredible. But I do not think that giving up Self is something that we should ask.  But who is “we?” “We” is society. “We” is our culture. And “we” is, most definitely, the church. The cult of family, the competitive nature of being a “good mom,” the need to be better than the next mom, to give your children everything they want has conditioned us to believe that once you have a child, all you are is a parent. That’s wrong, and it isn’t even what the Lord expects of us. 

We are called to be disciples! That includes loving the church, serving her, giving your time to her. The “I’m serving my church by raising my children well” cop out can’t cut it anymore. That isn’t healthy for children and it isn’t healthy for parents. If children become a parent’s entire world, then what happens if a parent “fails” at raising his or her children? Have they failed at life? I don’t think so.

Beyond this, children should celebrate their parents’ selfhood. They should see it. They should know it exists. My mom plays the piano! I celebrate her talent that does not play a direct role in the way that she parents me. I love her more and know her more because I know that she has that gift and that it brings her joy and life. So many parents don’t understand why they don’t have a lasting connection with their children. Well, how do you connect with someone who you don’t even perceive to be a human being? My parents are not deities. They are human. And they are good humans with beautiful flaws and exciting talents and intriguing opinions on life. It is easier for me to love them when I know and am reminded that they are real people. I bless them for the things that they have protected me from. And I bless them for the discernment that they’ve used in revealing to me who they are as Selves and disciples.

Parenthood and discipleship are not the same thing. I think that if you make the choice to become a parent, you should embed that parenthood into your discipleship.  Discipleship does not need parenthood to be, but if you’re going to be a parent, I think you must be prepared to daily devote that parenthood to the discipleship that you’ve already committed to.

My mom and The Butterfly reminded me that parents are humans . . . and that Jesus was human while divine. I see Jesus alive in my mom, in her humanness. The most important thing for us to do as children and parents is to look into the eyes of the other and search for the Jesus that we know is present there. It makes the incarnation more real and takes the edge off the bleakness, in any season.

Lord,

Teach us to search for your Son when we look into each other’s eyes. Soften our hearts, that we may love each other in our humanness. Thank you for Your Son, who showed us the most loving ways to be human beings.

In His name,

Amen.

Erin E. Daugherty, Abilene Christian University