In the Trenches: The Bittersweet Task of Care-Giving

Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be str

ong, do not fear...”  (Isaiah 35:3-4a).

Some situations defy description and can only be understood through experience.  Veterans share very little about war partly because their memories are painful, and partly because words can’t describe them.  Only another warrior – someone who’s been in the trenches – can really understand.  So it is with care-giving.

I’m a veteran caregiver.  My mother-in-law and both of my parents had Alzheimer’s dementia. Helping them live and die with dignity was a bittersweet task.  I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it.

Words can’t describe the endless emotional rollercoaster of fear, anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, love, concern, helplessness, nor the ferocity of protectiveness.  Months and years of nervous energy dissolve into bone-weary fatigue as needs multiply and responsibilities overwhelm.  Life can become too complicated to bear.

I intended this article as an encouragement for caregivers; anyone caring for an aging spouse, invalid parents or children with disabilities.  Then I remembered that caregivers don’t have time to read articles of encouragement.  Support groups are also helpful, but many caregivers barely find time to eat or sleep.

The biggest mistake caregivers make is failing to take care of themselves.  They often die first, and that’s a fact.

If you’ve never been a caregiver, chances are good that you will be someday.  When you’re in the trenches, you’ll need resources.  These are favorites from my library:  

The 36-Hour Day 4th Edition by Nancy L. Mace, MA and Peter V. Rabins, MD;

And three by Terry Hargrave, Ph.D.

Boomers on the Edge

Loving Your Parents When They Can No Longer Love You

Strength and Courage for Caregivers  

Heavenly Father, those of us who are or have been caregivers know we’re not up to this task. We thank you for staying in the trenches with us.  Give us Your Strength so we can meet the needs of our loved one to your glory.  Through your son, Jesus, amen.   

Sandra Milholland

Abilene, Texas