I am 48 years old and have spent the last few years trying
to start my life over again. I have been in the mission field working
with people who have made me re-evaluate everything that I think is important
or necessary in my life. I have been through a divorce that has turned me
upside down and destroyed the ground where I thought I could stand firm.
I am going through a career transition that is a little exciting, a
little scary and has me completely in the dark about what the future holds. And,
I am starting to learn how to read scripture again.
I grew up going to church and hearing (or interpreting what
I heard) preachers and teachers tell me that sin was bad and would condemn me
to hell, hearing that idle hands were the devil’s workshop, hearing that not
going to church was very, very bad and that a series of “doctrinal issues” left
the salvation of many of my friends at the building across the street in
jeopardy. I heard, or believe I heard, a lot of negative and I have taken
this concept to the way I read and process scripture.
I read about sin and sinners and that is what sticks out to
me. I read about God’s love and mercy and sin sticks out to me. I
read about Jesus on the cross and sin sticks out to me. I think about my
life and my relationship with my Lord and Savior and sin sticks out to me.
I look at my life and sin sticks out to me.
You know how you read a passage and sometimes you will see
certain areas highlighted, italicized, or in bold letters with “(emphasis
mine)” at the end meaning the writer wanted to bring some areas of the passage
to the readers attention? I have done that in my reading, writing and
speaking and, looking back, realize what I usually highlight is the part about
sin or human failing. Now, I am starting over in the way I read
scripture. Slowly, but surely, I am reading it with a focus on what God
wants me to know about Him, about how He sees me and how He feels about me.
It changes things when I do that. It changes my processing and I
pray it will change the way I live my life in the remainder of my years.
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that
he considered me trustworthy, appointing me to his service. Even
though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was
shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The
grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the
faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.” - 1 Timothy 1:12-14 (Italics and
bolding mine, Emphasis His)
As I read the words of Paul, I am often thinking about how
his words connect with me, how I connect with his sin. As I read these
words recently, I focused on what Paul states Jesus has done in his life, all
that Jesus has poured into him (Paul). It's easy for me to be introspective
about my faults but I do not focus enough on looking at what Jesus has and is
doing inside of me. As I emphasize the words of Paul's writing in this
section of scripture, it becomes more obvious to see the emphasis Christ puts
on, and in, me.
I want the rest of my days lived in the emphasis of my
Savior. I want to emphasize the strength He has given me. I want to
emphasize that I am trustworthy to Him. I want to emphasize that He has
appointed me in His service. I want to emphasize His mercy and grace that
I have experienced in abundance. I want to emphasize these things to
others because of God’s love, not my sin. Because of how much He cares
and all that He does in advance to prepare my way, not because of what I have
done. I want my life to show an emphasis on God. I want the
emphasis of my words and actions to be His.
Grace and peace
Jeff Jones
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