The Real Me

I have grown up in a society that teaches me to not show my weaknesses nor admit to them, to pick myself up by my bootstraps and soldier on, to be strong, to play through pain, to keep people off-guard and above all else, to be wary of who I trust. Trust has been a difficult issue for me and for many I know.

People, friends even, talk about us behind our back, tell things about us that aren’t true, or worse, are true and we hoped no one would ever know. The people closest to us hurt us, our parents, our children, our spouses and then want us to trust them. Some even expect it, trust to follow the pain they caused. And what about our sin? We can’t go forward at church because people are going to want to know what we did and, if the sin is big enough, may not want to be around us much or will treat us like damaged goods. We can’t tell our spouse because they may realize we have a problem that affects the marriage. We can’t tell our friend because they won’t let us teach class or think of us as a leader in the church. We don’t trust people because we would be so vulnerable.

1 John 1:8-9 says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Confess. That takes trust but that makes me nervous, even with Jesus. You see, I’ve sinned so much that I know he’s bound to get tired of forgiving me and I’ve sinned so much that I’ve started to believe that is who I am, a sinner beyond help. On the other hand, I know Jesus knows me and isn’t surprised so I can pray to him, tell him what I did and ask for forgiveness and I’ll be okay. Right? James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” Say what? Tell someone else? TRUST them with my darkest, stinkiest, nastiest secrets?

Jesus wants us to live in trust. Not a cautious, wary trust but a wide-open, bold trust. The trust Jesus has given me is the trust he wants me to give others. Over the last few years, I’ve often wondered what it would be like if Jesus extended trust to me like I have so often extended it to others, the old “fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice and I’ll write you off” type of trust giving. If Jesus uses my old methods, I’m lost...but he doesn’t. Jesus boldly extends trust to me.

There’s a parable that I call the parable of the incredibly loving father because Jesus tells a story of a son who took off to live a life of wild parties and good time and ends up coming home willing to be a slave but the father won’t hear of it. Instead, the father throws the best party the kid has ever seen because the father loves the son so deeply. The father doesn’t say, be my servant for awhile and if I find you trustworthy I’ll give you a little more. No, the father throws a huge party. How often have I done that for others. Even worse, how often have I thought that God won’t treat me that way. I’m worse than that guy was. My sins are more horrific. My failures are too oft-repeated. God can’t love me that way. Can he?

In the past I have been nervous about confessing my sins to God. In the past, I have been mortified about confessing my sins to other people. In the past, I couldn’t imagine that God would ever trust me again. Hallelujah, today I know differently and I hope you do to. There is power in confession and there is certainly healing. I have story after story of the strongest bonds with God and people I have ever known gained through confession. Today, I trust God completely because I understand he will continue to trust me and I am learning more and more to give trust to others as God has given it to me. I believe trust is given, never earned, because that is how our Creator, our Savior, our Lord trusts.

Jeff Jones
Decatur, Texas