Mad? Really?

I get mad at God sometimes.  Yes, I said it, mad.  Things aren’t going my way.  The A/C isn’t working while it’s 106 outside and not much cooler inside.  The transmission goes out in my vehicle.  Then, to put the icing on the cake, someone does something to hurt me by going back on their word about something very important.  Why God?  Why?

I’ve recently been reading a book titled Leadership and Self-Deception and it has been a wonderful reminder of how I often betray myself by only thinking of myself, how I feel, what I want and I see everything and everyone around me as objects of how I want things to work together.  In that betrayal, I deceive myself by justifying everything I want and see based on what I feel my needs are and when I justify myself, I can make everyone else wrong.  Even God.  

I get mad at God because He doesn’t fix the problems for me.  Oh, sure, maybe they are problems I had a hand in creating.  Maybe they are problems I started by something I did or didn’t do in a preventative way.  And yes, there are people around me who have problems that make mine appear meaningless but I’m mad at God because I’m a good guy, because I’ve done the right things in the past few months, because I’ve been more giving than I used to be, because I’ve turned the other cheek a time or two, because I’ve been telling people how good God is...and now this.

I’m mad.

I’m mad at the one who sent His own son to save me.  I’m mad at the one who has forgiven me while people on this earth refuse to forgive me for a mistake years and years ago.  I’m mad at the one who says He has a place prepared for me that is greater than all I can imagine.  

It sounds silly, doesn’t it?  I know I’m not the only one who has found myself in this place wondering why God isn’t heeding my prayers and fixing my problems.  Is it coincidence I was given this book to read at this time?  It’s good to be reminded that sometimes I deceive myself by painting a picture around me of how I think things should work and forgetting that there is one who sees all and knows all and who loves me beyond comprehension.  I get mad at God because I don’t see others, or God, the way I should, the way he sees his children.  

I’m not mad at God any longer.  In fact, I’m a little embarrassed but we’ve talked and I know I am forgiven and loved.  

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not from yourselves, it s the gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:8-10

I am God’s workmanship.  Saved by his gift of grace.

I just need to get out of my own way and focus on who I am.  A child, saved from bondage, saved from evil, loved completely and unconditionally.  Who can be mad about that?

Jeff Jones

Decatur, Texas