I grew up going to Sunday school and church and making the requisite 3 times a week appearance, learning Bible stories through flannel-graphs, listening to sermons and singing. I was a leader in my youth group, preached my first sermon in the 7th grade, have been a fill-in preacher (having great compassion on the audience for what they endured) and have taught youth and adult Bible classes on a frequent basis since my mid-20’s. From the outside looking in, I’m the church success story. I had the wife and two children and a good job and everything looked Norman Rockwall’ish from the outside. What people didn’t see was a man in turmoil, a person living multiple lives, a child of God’s who didn’t really know God and was afraid to get very close to God. Then came the divorce.
Nothing in my life could have prepared me for the tragedy and pain of divorce. Nothing could or can take away the pain of being separated from my children and only getting to see them based on a state-mandated schedule. Nothing could or has brought me so low, so close to a breaking point I didn’t know existed. Looking at it now, I don’t know that anything would have ever brought me as close to God either. In a time where I was afraid my church and my friends might distance themselves from me, I found the unconditional love of God surrounding me. Elders who laid hands on me and prayed over me. Friends who took the time to check on me regularly and not just have pity on me but ask me the status of my heart towards God. I have been able to see the father who rushed to his returning son, through his arms around him then had a party for him through my church family and close friends.
I often hear the question of why God let’s bad things happen to good people. Why, oh why, do we so often forget that Satan is alive and well and working feverishly to separate us from the love of God? For me, if God didn’t let something traumatic happen to me, a person who was pretty good, I would still be on the fringe with God, still acting like Adam and Eve thinking I could hide my shame and sin from God. Instead, my love for God has grown immensely and my faith has been stretched far past what I ever thought possible.
I have lived the past few years in the latter half of Romans 8 as a constant companion.
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. 20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. [all emphasis mine]
God knows suffering. We humans often forget that as we go through our hard times and wonder why God lets it happen that he gave his son’s life for me. God knows suffering and he not only lets bad things happen to good people, he allowed the worst thing to happen to the Almighty himself. As I look at my suffering, it’s the worst thing I can imagine. But I know God is with me and God understands me and, that God will keep holding on to me. He will walk with me as long as I’m willing, will open my eyes, my heart and my mind to his good and perfect will.
The worst thing I could have ever imagined has led me closer to God and continued to keep a fire burning to know God better each day.
Grace and peace to you.
Jeff Jones
Jeff, thank you for laying yourself out there. We need this kind of transparency in the body of Christ. We talk about grace, healing and a host of other "neat spiritual ideas" but I think we often just don't feel safe enough to test the metal in said ideas. You blessed me today, brother.
ReplyDelete