Let it Breath

My family went on vacation together a couple of weeks ago. We didn’t “plan” anything to do while we were on said vacation, really. Our plan consisted of relaxing, sitting, sleeping, reading, swimming, walking, eating, and watching movies. We did all of these things together--all of six of us. For an entire week.

Usually when you’re on vacation, you’re surrounded by unfamiliar places and people, which means you spend all of your time with the people you do know. That means our only respite from each other was when we went to sleep at night (and even then it wasn’t always a “respite,” since my thirteen-year-old sister occasionally kicks in her sleep).

Many people have asked what I did on my family vacation, and I always relay the list of items mentioned above. The reply is always the same: “So...you didn’t do anything? Didn’t you get sick of just being around each other?” Well, you know what? No, we didn’t “do” anything. But we did have a family conflict one night! I’ve told a couple of people this, just to see how they’d react. The reply to that is always the same, too: “Hmm. Some vacation!”

Going on vacation as a family is hard for some people. That’s why so many families pack their vacation schedules full of stuff to do: trips to the theater, shopping, going to watch sporting events, theme parks, concerts, and so on. Some people even choose to go on vacation with other families so they won’t be stuck all alone with just the members of their own family.

For one thing, going nonstop while you’re on vacation doesn’t sound relaxing to me. For another, I think families do this so they don’t have to interact with each other on an intimate level. Sure, you can go off and do all that stuff and have a blast together. But the last two monumental family “powwows” I’ve been a part of have both been when we were supposed to be enjoying a nice vacation.

When you get off like that by yourselves as a family, things can get really awkward or really awesome. It can be painful to escape like that with no conversation cushions like football practice, little Sally’s parent-teacher conference last week, or the latest church news to keep your relationships afloat. When my family is on vacation, we’re on vacation so we can take a break from talking about those things. But, then...what do you talk about?

As families we need to cross these pain thresholds. Our family “conflict” consisted of some of us calling out others on some things that we need to work on as individuals. Some of the things I had to say tasted pretty bitter, and some of the things I heard did not fall sweetly upon my ears, but they were all necessary things.

The conversation was not a reprimand. It wasn’t detrimental. It was hardly depressing. In fact, when we were done, my loving dad said, “This is the best conversation I’ve had in awhile!” He was so right. That single conversation was more life-giving for me than an entire week on the beach or in the mountains.

We’re afraid of slowing down enough to realize: “Wow. I need to apologize for that,” or, “I need to treat her better where this is concerned,” or, “My relationships need more depth and dimension.”  Discovering that that is what your relationships consist of is scary. But letting them stay that way is scarier.

The traditional Christian family is afflicted, in a sense. We’re afflicted with chronic lukewarmness in the way that we choose to share life together (or the way that we choose not to, for that matter). Romans 5:3-5 says, “And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”

In choosing to confront this affliction, whether it’s by sitting down and having a transparent conversation, writing out a letter, or sharing tears together, we are choosing to be good stewards of the blessed web of unconditional love, forgiveness, and servanthood that God so generously provided for us when He created Adam and Eve--the first family. Confronting affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. Who doesn’t want to live a life full of hope alongside family?

God,

Forgive us for treating one of your most brilliant ideas with disrespect sometimes. Teach us how to live obediently in the midst of a family, through the highs and the lows. Give us bold hearts and spirits, that we may conquer our family afflictions with confidence in the knowledge that our love for each other will not be destroyed, because Your love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. We love you and we thank you for giving us families.

Through Jesus,

Amen.

Erin Daugherty, Abilene Christian University