Claiming Peace

A few years ago I discovered I was walking around in shackles. I had been wearing them for so long I thought my hobbled walk was normal. My discovery happened after a conversation with a dear friend and mentor about the fruits of the Holy Spirit. I told him I was beginning a personal prayer campaign for peace. Not world peace, but peace in my heart. Since early childhood I had struggled with low levels of anxiety; anxiety about my future, my present and at times my past. I was especially anxious about my relationships and what others thought of me. According to my mother at the age of three, my physician grandfather remarked to her that she needed to teach me to relax. Unfortunately, this was a lesson that went unlearned.

To most people my inward battle with anxiety made me outwardly appear driven, high achieving, and energetic. As an athlete I used this tool to push my body beyond its limits and unfortunately pay the price with painful bursitis and tendonitis in both shoulders at the age of 34. As an employee I never lacked for promotions or more responsibilities, unfortunately these came to the detriment of real relationships outside of work and struggles with infertility. Anxiety left me constantly discontent, overbearing, and living in a world of unrealistic expectations for myself and others.

It was the question from my mentor of, “Why are you praying for peace when you already have it?” that allowed me to see that I was missing out on a huge promise from God. A study of Galatians 5 and the fruits of the Spirit led me back to the beginning of the chapter where Paul writes:

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”

Like the Christians in Galatia, I too had put Christ on in baptism and in doing so had “crucified the flesh with its passions and desires”. However, like the Galatians’ desire to be justified in their faith through their works, I had also been “working” at peace, and “working” at joyfulness with little success.

When we receive the gift of the Holy Spirit we in turn have access to the fruits, but access does not guarantee ownership. Some fruits come easily while others are more difficult to obtain. It is our flesh that keeps us from walking in the freedom of Christ and enjoying the Spirit’s fruits. When I take up the shackles of anxiety and worry about the lack of control I have over my life and those in it, I deny the peace and joy already set before me and become a slave once again to sin.

I would like to say that once I learned this lesson I forever broke the chains that bound me, and never took them up again. But, oh how alluring the sin of anxiety can be for me at times. In my anxiety I can out-work, out-criticize, and out-worry the best: calls are made, closets organized, prayers given, notes written, bible class materials gathered, and meals cooked. Sometimes we can do good things yet nullify the freedom and power of a relationship with Christ if we try to do it all on our own. The question I must constantly ask myself is what is my motivation? Is it out of the overflow of a heart fully given over to God, surrendered to his love and walking in his truth? Meals may have been prepared, bible class planned for and the house clean, but at what cost? Did my children receive nothing but rebuke and frustration from me during the day? Did my husband and friends get the encouragement they needed? Did the “peace that passes understanding” reign in my home?

Thank you, God that like a parent delighting in their child’s stages of development, you delight in me as I grow. Thank you for teaching me I am not defined by what I do, but by my identity in Christ Jesus. Thank you for setting me free through your Son.

Dana Jaworski
Anchor Point, AK