I was baptized at a young age, belonged to “the church”, from a family that belonged to “the church”, studied the Bible, obeyed and followed it to the letter. I spoke where the Bible spoke and was silent where the Bible was silent. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was devoted to serving in the church, teaching class, leading worship, helping with VBS, and going on mission trips. I was viewed as a great servant and leader always willing to accept more. No one questioned my devotion and sincerity and I received praise and acknowledgement for all I was doing. This proved what I was doing was right and I became very sure of myself and what God wanted. So sure, that I viewed others who professed to follow God as being wrong. Though I might not say it out loud, I was critical of them and their errant faith.
All was well in my life, working perfectly. I was the model Christian, husband, and father. Life was good, I was respected in the church, respected by my family, and viewed as the perfect son. Everything was in order doing exactly what God wanted. Then it all changed. Like a nightmare that was actually real, that which I cherished most and believed was my foundation disintegrated. I found myself in the deepest despair losing what was most dear to me. Everything I thought was right, everything I was taught, everything I believed to be true was revealed to be a lie. I was blind. Blind to the reality of my misplaced devotion. Blind to the fact that everything I was doing in my life to serve the Lord was in the complete wrong direction. I tried to deny it and could not believe a man who had given his life to serve God could be so wrong. It was unfair and almost impossible to accept. Yet the pain and desperation of my circumstances confronted me with the truth. It was all about me. About my rightness, my own ability to justify myself, and show everyone how good I was. Oh God, it was so painful as I sat in the darkness of my despair.
He came to me. He showed me that despite my selfishness and my insistence on my will being done He wanted me. He showed me I do not have to perform for Him, compete for His attention, or prove anything to Him. As blind as I was my eyes were opened and I saw Him for the first time. I knew He had just saved me and I didn’t care what anyone else thought any longer. Some questioned the change in me not knowing the internal anguish and confrontation I had experienced. All I know is the things that were important to me before, and that I thought made me a Christian are worth nothing now, frankly they are like a pile of cow manure. I’m different than before. I know I am His not because of what I do, or do not do, but because I finally took Him at His word to just believe. Believe the incredible miracle that Jesus has saved me and rescued me. What is crazy is it has become all I care about. I want Him more than ever even if it means tough times because I am no longer afraid. I have such a long way to go and still so much to learn. Yet, He pulls me forward with the promise and taste of a whole new life. I can’t describe it other than to say rejoice in it, be full of joy knowing it is true. I now have a life, true life that is so rich and full.
Philippians 3, 4:1-7; Acts 9
What You offer goes against everything rational in this world. Lead me to not fall to the temptation to follow what is rational. Amen
Scotty Elston
Shallowater, Texas
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